The Importance Of Being 2 and 4 months

Tags

children, terrible 2's, Toddler

Dear Mum and Dad (yea I’m almost 2 and a half and I’ll shorten your names if I want to),

I love you both sooooo much but there are a few things which I’d like out in the open. I’ve been pondering the best way to tackle these issues and I have tried to demonstrate by my behaviour how unhappy I am with a few things, but to no avail! Hence this letter. Please don’t take offence, it’s nothing personal, given my chance over again, I’d defo still choose you two as parents but I just need you to see my end of the deal.

Where to start, oooh I know SLEEP, yup you know that thing you try and make me do twice a day under the guise of it being a benefit to me! I get it, I know I need to sleep but I don’t want to, I know I’m missing out on something, I know you’ll be dancing in the kitchen, drinking tea and scoffing cake. I’m not stupid! When you tell me you’re going for a rest too, it’s rubbish, I know! You’ll be busy playing with my little sister while I’m in the land of nod. To make things worse, you’ll come and wake me when YOU think I’ve had enough sleep, scared I won’t sleep at night. Have I ever not slept at night? No, so leave me sleeping, PLEASE! If for some crazy reason you DO have to wake me up, don’t be so flipping happy about it. Imagine me bursting into your bedroom while you’re fast asleep, singing and waving and just being generally jolly…. You get my point.

Next, I am not a performing monkey. Contrary to popular opinion I do not like performing to friends and family. So I sing a new song at home, it doesn’t mean I want to stand on a home made stage with everyone watching, busting out my dance moves to all and sundry. I can count to 20, I can write some letters and numbers and I know my alphabet, but that’s for me to practice in the privacy of my own home.

Ok, here goes… the whole here’s your new little sister deal! Yup, you guessed it I’m totally not in a good space about that bomb you dropped on me. There we were quite happy just the 3 of us, you were pretty fat mum, but I could deal with that, off I go to nursery one day, come home and there’s a baby in the house. She’s pretty cute don’t get me wrong, but she’s just always there. She gets the cuddles first, special feeding time with you, she’s cries, you run, spoon fed, dressed, meantime I’m just figuring out why her needs override all of mine. She is growing on me and we have started playing together and laughing at stuff only sisters can, but she’s starting to get around now and touching my things! Not so cool! She pumps and everyone laughs, she can’t even talk and you guys think it’s amazing that she gurgles and giggles. I’m busy doing Monet style works of art and they don’t even get wall space. So, I figured if I behave more like her, you’ll give me the attention I need, but it seems to make it worse, you tell me to stop acting like a baby, I just don’t get it. What do you want from me??

That leads me nicely on to SHARING. Let me make this perfectly clear, I DON’T want to share my toys, they are mine, you made that very clear when you gave them to me and now you’re all like, “it’s nice to share”! So…share your stuff then, ah no I forget this is a one way street. I’m not allowed to touch your make up or play with your handbags and shoes (and those are just dad’s) laptops or phones because they are yours! You can see my confusion folks. Please back up on making me share, when I want to I will, until then leave me be.

SORRY. Yup a tiny little word that really doesn’t mean an awful lot to me. You keep trying to make me say it, well I have news for you, most of the time I’m not sorry, hence my reluctance to say it. If it gets you off my case and gets me the toy back that you just confiscated then sure I’ll indulge you but be warned I don’t really mean it. You start saying sorry for all the times you promise me something and don’t deliver, or when you change the goal posts half way through a project, or move something without telling me, or making me do things I don’t like. Let’s be straight here guys, if you didn’t make me share, I wouldn’t hit that kid that nicked my toy…Then I wouldn’t be standing there being forced to say sorry for taking something that is MINE!

Mum and dad I know there is a lot here for you to take in, but it’s coming from a good place, I want us all to get along, you just need to cut me some slack on some things, and on others you need to be clear, direct and stick to what you say. Am I asking too much? Set the boundaries and follow them through, it’s the only way I will learn. Don’t avoid conflict or confrontation with me, I need it. I need to know what’s negotiable and what’s not. I need to know, when you say yes or no you mean it. I hope we can all move forward in an honest and loving way.

I look forward to hearing from you both.

Love your (first) daughter

Miss Mouse xxx

A Week In Wales

Tags

bluestone, holidays, Miss mouse, Nessy pip, Wales

Ah the perfect opportunity for some much needed R&R… Yea right! 3 days before we’re due to leave rainy Manchester Nessy Pip comes out in chickenpox, lengthy discussions about whether to come on holiday or stay at home occur. We finally decide that we would head to South Wales, take the chance and make the week as good as possible for Miss Mouse.

Making the decision to take a chickenpoxed baby on holiday seemed the least of our problems on the drive here, We had 4 vom stops with Maisy. We contemplated turning back…Several times! But she was requesting the farm (??) and cottage shop (cross between cottage and coffee shop)! We arrived at Bluestone in Pembrokeshire at around 3.15pm and you can’t get into accommodation until 4.30pm, but there is big activity centre for kids.

So we park up & the heavens open, torrential rain like you literally can not get out of the car. Entertaining Miss Mouse while trying to breastfeed & change a spotty baby in a hot over packed car was not our idea of fun! Rain stops after about 20 mins and as we’re trying to dig the pusher out from the boot Miss Mouse announces she needs a poo! We don’t get potty out in time and she’d already done it, luckily she had a nappy on! So we do a nappy change in the car & eventually are ready to head to activity centre.

We take wrong turn and it takes us ages to get there. Full of kids and total sensory over load, just the kind of place that makes Miss Mouse go a little bit mental! By time we get in there and coats off it is of course time to leave and get back to car for barrier opening. All the while we’re trying to keep Nessy Pip as concealed as possible due to the lurgee, taking it in turns to walk around outside with her! We head back to the car (maisy walking) takes forever, massive traffic queues and Gary tells me I have toilet roll sticking out my trousers. Yep that’s right! At that point I can’t see the funny side anymore and I cry! Sunnies pulled on and I just sob! It was enough, nothing else could go wrong could it?! Back at the car we can’t get the pusher back in so Gaz is at boiling point! We’re on the brink of an enormous argument, but somehow manage to hold it together, perhaps if we had not been surrounded by millions of other people who looked to be thoroughly enjoying themselves unlike us, we probably we have been filing for divorce by now.

Finally we get to the cottage and start unpacking. Miss Mouse breaks the tv but we manage to make some tea things settle a bit. Beer is opened and life feels a whole lot better, suddenly Miss Mouse shits on the floor…. of course she does! At this point I am questioning why oh why we would put ourselves through this! Swift bedtime for both babies, feet up and wine poured. TV (fixed by Gaz) turned up to drown out the begging from my not quite 2 year old, saying she now wants to go home!! After about a bottle of wine, I can start to see the funny side of things, well maybe just a little bit. Here’s hoping all of our bad luck is out of the way on the first day!

Potty Training 3 Weeks In

Tags

children, missmouse, Potty training

Three weeks ago Miss Mouse decided she was no longer going to wear nappies. At 22 months I was no where near ready for her to be removing the nappies herself but it didn’t really come as a shock either as she has ALWAYS decided when she is doing things, she self weaned from breastfeeding (except her bedtime feed) at 9 months, she dresses herself and tells me what she will be doing and when. Her key worker at nursery also to us that she likes to keep the other children in check making sure they are doing what they should be.

So reluctantly I hid away the pull ups and bought some more knickers and stocked up on disinfectant and rubber gloves. My mum really encouraged me and I respect her mother of 5 guidance but was hoping I could start the Training in the summer. Alas, no!

Our first week she was naked from the waist down and we tried to stay home as much as possible, using pull ups when we left the house. Getting her used to the feel of wee and poo. Wee was no problem and she nailed it straight away. Pooing not so much! She was really upset by the whole situation, I don’t blame her as I was just as perturbed! There was a few near misses and muchos carpet cleaning. Luckily downstairs is wooden floors but upstairs of course is where she preferred to shit is all cream carpet! Joy!

Week 2 I started with knickers on and let her keep them on for a while post pee accident so she could feel the difference between that and having a nappy on. At first, it seemed this was going to be a very long process and again I attempted to stay housebound as much as possible as much for my own sanity and to make it as easy and comfortable for mouse. By the end of the week she seemed to be good with knickers on and asking for a wee or poo when she needed one.

Week 3 and I dared to leave the house. Playgroup on Monday was a success until we got to the car and she pissed all over the (new) car mats. Tuesday there was not one accident all day and so off she went to nursery on the Wednesday with 5 changes of clothes. She returned in nursery spares and about 3 sets of nursery spares in her bag. Not a good day then. Of course I immediately started to doubt my decision and my conviction wavered!

By the end of this week it’s apparent that she can do it, but struggles when she involved in something more important. At friends house for lunch today and she totted up 3 wee’s and 1 poo on the floor. Thank sweet Jesus they had wooden floors throughout.

So tomorrow we commence week 4, spare knickers aplenty and an increased feeling of fear, not knowing where her next accident might be. Wish me luck.

Breakthrough

Tags

children, motherhood, Parenting

Sometimes I seriously question my intention and motives for having children. Over the last 9 months or so probably more than ever. It’s no secret that Miss Mouse is a very bright little girl but with this there seems to come other problems and frustrations.

She always had a tendency to touch other children’s faces, this progressed to grabbing and scratching. As a very early walker so got to places and other children quickly and would then play well for a few moments before issuing a deathly blow to the unsuspecting, placid, minding-it’s-own-business baby. The first few times it happened I shrugged it off, thinking it was a Normal part of their growing up. I soon realised other babies weren’t doing the same! I think I almost expected them to retaliate, teaching Miss Mouse a vital lesson, that there is always someone bigger than you, this never happened.

I used to gently remind her to be gentle and then I’d get frustrated and tell her off, trying to reason with a 9/10 month old seemed to get me no where. I started researching it and as always people kept telling me it was a phase. Other mums started out polite but soon swooped in to save their children whenever Miss Mouse approached. I stopped going to play groups etc due to my embarrassment, and quite frankly didn’t see the point of putting myself through it as most times I’d end up sobbing as soon as I got home or in the car. I couldn’t understand how my beautiful, intelligent girl could become such a monster?!?

She’d thrive on picking on the weak, and no one seemed to fight back. I’d take her to soft play to try and burn some energy or aggression and she’d just bully the other kids into submission. My heart ached. Lengthy discussions were had in the evenings as a couple and some weeks she’d seem better and I’d think the phase had passed and then boom out of nowhere she’d be attacking some poor baby and looked very pleased with herself because of it.

When I fell pregnant before her first birthday I decided action was needed and we started to use the time out method, this soon became a game and she’d offer to go in time out. I would force her to say sorry when she clearly couldn’t give a damn and she gleefully continued scratching and hitting other kids. She loved getting a reaction from anyone that was watching particularly me. As I became sick and tired with pregnancy she got worse, my patience wore thin and then we had a good spell before the end of my pregnancy when it plummeted again. By this point I was near having a nervous breakdown thinking that my second baby wouldn’t survive her first night with Miss Mouse around. What had I done?? Guilt set in, shouting occurred, tempers were frayed and so I began to read every parenting book under the sun, something would provide the miracle cure. I found some great advice from attachment parenting sites and was convinced this was the way forward. Reasoning and love would overcome all evil, but was it too late to implement AP techniques, had a lost the vital time? When I should have been nurturing I was too busy sleep training and time outing?!

Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn’t, large crowds and over stimulation wiped out any loving reasoning I tried to do. Baby no 2 arrived and in fairness she was no where near as demonstrative as I expected. She really loves her little sister if only a little too heavy handed. I thought maybe the new addition may have calmed her. Nope! The last few weeks things have got progressively worse. Breastfeeding and new baby have left me tired and grumpy, unable to deal with Miss Mouses obvious frustrations. My loving parenting, talking it out techniques were leaving me drained, confused and taking my almost 2 year old daughters violent outbursts personally.

It peaked about 2 weeks ago when I physically wrestled her to change her nappy and again to get her in and out of her pusher. I snapped, couldn’t take anymore, sobbed, shouted, I needed intervention of any sort. I knew that day I had to change things or I was going to crack up or scar this child forever by losing my temper beyond control.

That night I trawled the Internet reading blogs about similar kids and feelings. I came across Janet Lansburys blog about the difference between AP and RIE (resources for infant educarers) it made sense. I’d found the missing link, I read and read for about 2 hours, making notes and trying to absorb as much as possible. It led me to Magda Gerbers site and I knew I’d stumbled on something precious. The next day I began to implement the techniques and they worked instantly, I kept looking at Gary in disbelief, I explained to him how I wanted him to talk to Miss Mouse and it worked too. My life changed that day.

It clicked, I’d lost the control to this demonstrative toddler and didn’t know how to regain it, I was taking her actions personally and had become scared of certain situations because of fear of how she’d react. A few days past and my little girl became more settled in herself, it was clear to see she was thriving and feeling secure with the boundaries that we were setting for her. Balance had been restored, I felt refreshed and fell back in love with my toddler. My achy heart felt weightless and bright. Guilt subsided and my friendship with her has been rebuilt.

I don’t want to change her feisty personality I just want to be able to manage her behaviour. It’s far from perfect, she’s a toddler, pushing boundaries is what she does but now I feel I am in control of those boundaries, they are clear and easily understood. Making life in our house bearable again.

39 Weeks And 19 Months…

Tags

2013, baby, pregnancy

It almost seems out of freaking nowhere I am at the end of my pregnancy. Boom! 39 weeks, in a way I’m glad as it’s given me a massive kick up the arse to get organised. I was kinda putting everything off until after Christmas, which has been and gone (’twas lovely by the way) and now all excuses aside I’ve finally started to accept there will be a new baby in the house within the next 3 weeks.

Fact is I’m massive now, uncomfy, fat, swollen, moany, some would say not different to normal. I’m trying to be very positive and embrace my curves, but I get pissed off every time I try and put a pair of socks or shoes on! Having a 19 month old in tow just increases my frustration. Asking for carries and the constant tidying up is such a drain.

As I’ve started my new baby preparations I’ve got excited, a couple of friends have had babies and the smell has evoked super broodiness and I am excited to meet my little angel and watch her intently for hours on end, when she’s not really doing much at all but being a baby. Then there are the sleepless nights of hours of breastfeeding to look forward to, the inconsolable crying that makes you want to rip your hair our, the possible jealous spouse ready to strangle the newborn as soon as mummy isn’t looking. Mixed emotions would be an understatement.

I’ve been washing and cleaning like a crazy woman, finding jobs that don’t even exist! My washer hasn’t stopped for about a week and the radiators are full of teeny tiny baby clothes. Dinky nappies and maternity pads are spilling out of drawers and nipple creams bought in bulk. Hypnobirthing practice at least twice a day and lists after lists after lists after lists. I swing from moments of calm and tranquility to sheer manic panic!

Miss Mouse is probably thoroughly fed up of all the baby talk! She called me “fat” the other day…yea cheers for that! She is doing great though and now knows her alphabet and counts up to 14. She’s nailed her colours and her conversations are funny and witty. She manages to make me laugh everyday even the days when I’ve wanted to run so far away and never return, she’s reminded me why I’m putting myself through what I’m currently putting myself through. The sparkle in her eyes when she tells me she loves me, the sincerity in her hug when she cuddles me in the morning, the pride in her face when she’s done something new for the first time and that amazing smile when I go to pick her up from nursery. I’ll miss it being just her and I but must remind myself we’re giving her a sister not taking anything away from her.

Oh by the way….happy new year, may it be a good one, I know mine will be tough but tremendous, filled with beautiful memories…

Love Jodes xx

34 Weeks and 18 Months

Tags

missmouse, pregnancy

Baby Beanz hit 34 weeks on Friday and I had a midwife appointment which went really, really well. I seen a different midwife to the one I’d seen on previous appointments and had to run through the whole wanting a home birth….AGAIN! She wanted to know why I had such a long labour with Miss Mouse and why they’d used forceps. I tried to be very upbeat about it all, if she smelled any fear, she’d jump on it and tell me I’d have to go to hospital. She checked my piss, all normal, BP perfect and my HB level from my last blood tests was perfect too. I had been a little worried it would be low as I was quite anaemic near the end of my last pregnancy and I’d started feeling a but dizzy and out of breath the last few weeks. It seems those 3 pints of Guinness per day are paying off! 😉

Up on the bed she checked baby’s heartbeat and it once again managed to bring tears to my eyes, ah that sound just makes me so happy, so healthy and strong. She quizzed me again on my previous 3 losses and said that it wasn’t normal to allow a home birth following 3 miscarriages. I smiled and explained that the twin miscarriage was different as it was caused by twin to twin transference syndrome. It gets a little tiring trying to keep defending your decisions. Everything I read or hear about is that home births are being encouraged and yet I feel like I’m really having to fight for one. They have finally made a note in my notes that we want a home birth and have made an appointment for two weeks time to visit us at home.

Good news is, baby is head down and obviously getting ready for her arrival. We seem pretty set on her name and my bump is getting VERY big. I’ve had a couple of “you’re massive” comments the last week or so and much as I appreciate I am bigger than when I am not pregnant, I really don’t need reminded by others. I am reminded every day when I try and find something that fits and is comfortable. Cheers for that!

So where the hell has the last 18 months gone? Seriously, sorting out baby clothes this week, I wept that my first bubba was wearing these teeny tiny clothes a year and half ago. How did this happen? Some days I want to press pause and keep her just the way she is and other days I could quite happily fast forward a week or so, a teething toddler will have that effect on you! Miss Mouse has just emerged from a couple of weeks of virus hell and cutting molars and she is so adorable when she is her usual cheery self. Today she’s made my giggle until my sides hurt, prancing up and down in her sunglasses, posing for daddy and I.

She’s doing great at nursery and came home with the cutest Christmas cards that she had painted, they were purchased immediately. She’s got most of her colours off and is learning new words at an incredible rate, although this backfires at times. Since last weekend she has been calling me “Jodie”, I did not go through 9 months of pregnancy and 36 hours of labour to be called “Jodie” by my daughter! As her mummy I am so blinded by her cuteness, it’s so hard to understand how I’ll love another bubba as much as I love her.

I’m still struggling with her face grabbing and scratching and she had a couple of episodes at nursery, the teacher had to have a word with me. We’re dealing with it in a similar way to them and “time out” does seem to be working, but I still think she’s so little, a lot of the time it is out of sheer frustration. It is so embarrassing though when she does it to other kids, and I spend most of the time apologising and making her apologise, or having to follow her around whenever I take her anywhere so I can intercept any potential strikes. No relaxing time for this mama when Miss Mouse is around!

I am loving the mounting excitement for Christmas and countdown to the birth, big changes are occurring with hubs and his work, a little stressful but it will all come good, it always does.

Lots of loves and thanks for reading. Xxx

30 Weeks and 17 Months

Tags

missmouse, motherhood, pregnancy

So Open University module is COMPLETE. Woohoo…if ever there was a time I NEEDED champers in my life it was the day I submitted my last assignment. It was such a RELIEF! Now, just need to wait until the results come through in December, luckily I have a few things to distract me between now and then. Thought it was time I updated you about Baby Beanz and Miss Mouse…

Baby Beanz is now 30 weeks and it’s that amazing time where the alien like movements start, especially on an evening when I am sitting doing NOTHING! She wriggles and kicks and reminds me she is there. We play little games, she follows my hand and responds to my touch and voice. It is so incredible, I now know, that it doesn’t matter whether you’ve done this before or not, it is still OUT OF THIS WORLD! People everywhere around me seem to be pregnant or having babies and thank goodness I am, otherwise I would be crazy BROODY right now. We’ve decided not to attack the new nursery until after Christmas, financially it makes more sense and she won’t be in the for the first few months, so it really makes no difference. I am fully into maternity clothes now and every now and again, I sneak on a non-maternity top, only to quickly whip it off as it won’t fit over my bump. No stretch marks to report…YET! I didn’t get any last time, so I am hoping I will be safe again this time. Daddy Beanz is helping me with my hypnobirthing techniques, the course has finished now, so it’s down to us to practice, practice, practice. Anyone reading this used it successfully through birth??

Baby Beanz Bump at 30 weeks

The beautiful Miss Mouse is now 17 months and she is such a gem. We had a bout of teething last week or so and I wanted to disown her. Then a HUGE molar appeared and all was forgiven. She is loving nursery, which is such a relief as we moved her from one that I wasn’t happy with. She gets up and ready happily and loves the workers there, so I no longer feel guilty for shipping her off 2 mornings a week! Her speech is coming on great, her vocab is amazing, she’s started on her colours now and points everything out and shouts a colour at it, usually the wrong one, but she’s trying. Counting is funny, also as she shouts the numbers in any random order and sometimes comes out with the right final number. Teaching her is such a joy to me as she clearly LOVES to learn. Painting and drawing seem to be her favourite activities of late and we have some new wall patterns to keep us entertained while she’s asleep. She has just figured out she can get out of her bed by sliding past the bed guard, we knew it was only a matter of time. Lying in bed this morning, I heard a little voice in the hallway shouting “mummy”, very cute, wandering through the dark to come and find me. I am still struggling to deal with the face grabbing she keeps doing with other kids, some days are much better than others and she just doesn’t bother. Everything is HERS and this seems to be the trigger for hurting other children. I just try and keep in mind that it is a phase, but it doesn’t really make it any less embarrassing when she does it. *sigh*

Miss Mouse at 17 months

And so, Hallowe’en is soon to be upon us, 1 party today and 1 on Monday, outfit for Mouse is sorted and then it’s countdown to Christmas….YAY!

Thanks for reading. x x

I’m Sorry…

Tags

baby, hypnobirthing, missmouse, openuniversity, pregnancy, stress

Dear Blog (and anyone that can be arsed reading it),

I am truly sorry that I have been neglecting you of late. I have lots of excuses that I will attempt to share with you. Also, I want you to know that this is only temporary and I will endeavour to pay you more attention in the next few weeks and months, only I need you to understand that it is not personal, it’s me NOT you. It seems that to make myself appear more interesting than I truly am, I decide to fill my small and meaningless life with lots of seemingly important and interesting things.

Firstly, I have just under two weeks to complete my final assignment for my Open University course and as usual I have left it to the VERY last minute to do and I am stressing like you wouldn’t believe. Let me get through this and get it submitted and things will seem a lot easier and brighter. I am struggling to find what I want to say in my assignment, something that seems to be reflected in many areas of my life right now, but that is a WHOLE other blog!

My next excuse is that I have been doing my Hypnobirthing course over 5 weeks and I have just two weeks left, this has meant LOTS and LOTS of breathing and relaxation practice and a book to read in that time too. Trying to get the practice in while hubs is around and absorb everything I need to before bubba number two shows her gorgeous face is proving taxing. This is both time consuming and seems to have brought up a few demons along the way. Luckily, those demons are being dealt with and I am moving forward in a positive way.

Oh yea and then there is the small matter of Miss Mouse, she erm, seems to be getting ever so slightly, erm, how do I say this…DEMANDING? I am sure she is becoming more aware that our ALONE time is limited and therefore is pulling all strings possible to PUSH me over the proverbial edge. It doesn’t seem to take much these days, I dread to think what my mental state would be like if I wasn’t practising relaxation techniques every few hours.

And lastly, I will use my growing body as an excuse, my +1 seems to drain my mental and physical energy, so by 7pm when the delightful Miss Mouse is asleep, my body cares for nothing more than a comfy sofa, trashy TV and large brew. Baby bump is growing nicely and I have lots I’d like to tell you in more detail and lots of photo’s I’d like to share, but I just don’t seem to get around to uploading and sharing. All in good time.

Anyway, I hope you accept my humble apologies and believe me when I say this distance between us won’t last forever, you are always in my thoughts and I do care for you deeply, I just wish I had more hours in my day or perhaps more brain space at the end of my day but life is taking over at the moment and I hope you accept my pathetic excuses.

All my love

Jodes x x

We Went Public!

Tags

bikes, guilt, missmouse, motherhood, parenthood, tantrum

I had the pleasure of Maisy’s first PUBLIC tantrum this week. I had meant to blog immediately after this horrendous experience, but as per life got in the way and a few days have passed since the incident. However, the memory is one that will last forever!

I had a few bits and pieces I NEEDED to get at Hobby Craft (a new one has just opened up, slightly too close to my house) and it happens to be in the same complex as Toys R Us. I decided it would be a good idea to pop in and have a look at a couple of things in preparation for Christmas. All was going well in the land of wonder and Miss Mouse was happily pulling dolls and related paraphernalia on to the floor and biting random teddies and other such soft toys. Then she spotted the bikes.

She is obsessed with them, if someone cycles by she goes crazy, shouting “BIKE, BIKE”. It has become a bit frightening in the park with little kids on their little bikes, she’s runs after them trying to catch them and I can only presume with every intention of stealing their bikes! I digress. As she begins to shuffle along the aisle in between Barbie Princess bikes and the all singing and dancing ones, she picks out a bike that is green and blue and designed for a boy. Typical I think, she would probably choose a tractor or digger over car. 

I browse the shelves nearby safe in the knowledge we’re going to be here a while. Hubs helps her on a couple of the bikes and smart trikes and she seems very pleased with herself. Time passes and we need to start heading home in time for her lunch. I explain to her we need to pay and go to the car in 5 minutes. She does of course at almost 16 months of age have no concept of time, but it makes me feel like a reasonable parent if I tell her the plan. Then a 2 minute warning and then crunch time, it’s time to make our way to the till.

All hell breaks loose. Hubs attempts to pick her up and she is arching her back, screaming “NOOOO”, grabbing his face and slapping him. I can tell hubs is a bit embarrassed as this is the first time we’ve had to deal with this in public. We’ve had the paddy’s at home and you can walk in to another room and wait until she has calmed down. Ever so slightly different in a full shop of other parents. I try and reason with Miss Mouse and let her know that I’m going to put her in her pusher and we’re heading home. This of course, makes no difference and only increases the volume of the screaming and screeching.

I take Miss Mouse from hubs and tell him to go and pay, I’ll sort her out. I then find myself fighting with her as she stiffens her whole body as I am trying to fasten her into her pusher. Nearing the till and she is still in full tantrum swing, the couple in front of us in the queue have that knowing, sympathetic look on them. Meanwhile I am trying to be the diplomatic mum, reasoning and explaining to my child what we’re doing. As I do, I am struck by how freaking embarrassing the whole situation is and how difficult it is remaining remotely calm under the mounting pressure. I am questioning my parenting, should I have brought her to a child’s wonderland and expected her to understand that we were only looking. Then I decide bribery is my only option… raisins! Shit! I’ve left them in the car. So not only am I trying to calm her down, I’ve resorted to bribery and now false hope. Time seemed to stand still and it dawned on me that, however embarrassing I was finding this, THIS was only the beginning. 

The reality of the impact of this temper tantrum hits me, how I respond to THIS child, THIS day will affect the rest of her life! God, I’m not sure if I am up for this parenting lark. I was happy with shitty nappies, sick stained clothes, bleeding nipples and a crying baby. Now it’s all changed, my response can cause ripples that she will no doubt use against me in her angst teenage years.

We make it out the shop alive and I have a very sour faced little girl the whole way home. Yet another layer of guilt to add to my already burdened down rucksack of motherhood guilt. Ugh, the shame. And so, I assume the terrible two’s begin, albeit 8 months early! How can I handle these situations without feeling like a fool, a bad parent or an embarrassment? Especially, when all I wanted to do was tell her off and tell her to stop her bloody carry on!

21 Weeks and 15 Months

Tags

baby, missmouse, pregnancy

I have second pregnancy syndrome, where you don’t give the growing bump the same attention you gave the first one. I remember when I was pregnant with Miss Mouse, we discussed what she was doing every single day, talking to her and imagining what life was going to be like when she arrived. This time around, it seems less exciting and for that I feel bad. We wanted another baby quickly and yet somehow the reality of that decision seems VERY troubling. As each week goes by, we almost forget that we are another week pregnant and we seem to celebrate half heartedly by finding out what the baby has grown that week.

Baby Number 2, 21 week Bump

So we’ve made it to 21 weeks, well almost 22 now and she seems happy enough hiding away in my womb, not bothering me too much apart from making me need to wee loads. Much more than I remember with Miss Mouse. Then she seems to wait until everyone else is settled on an evening and BOOM! She is awake, kicking and turning and punching and reminding me that she is still there and in need of some attention. It feels like that’s the only time she gets to be noticed properly without her 15 month old sister jumping on her on prodding her or screaming about something inconsequential. That seemingly brief half an hour to an hour on an evening seem so precious and I always feel quite sad that it’s maybe the only recognition I’ve given her all day. I know this will all change when she arrives but I can’t help but feel I should be paying her more attention.

My cheeky 15 month old

Miss Mouse has made it to 15 months and don’t we know it? This last couple of months she seems to be absorbing so much, everyday is pretty amazing with her. It tires me, trying to keep up with her thirst for knowledge. She is saying so many words and putting two or three words together, she asks what things are by pointing at them so she can copy what you say. She is counting to ten with some help and loves sitting at her little table to scribble away. Bedtimes are getting easier, we were going through a phase of not settling for over an hour but most nights it’s about 20 minutes. Horrid molars are causing her pain and we’ve had a couple of very grumpy days where only Mummy cuddles seem to help.

My gorgeous girl

Miss Mouse starts nursery in three weeks and although I’ll be sad, I think she is ready for it and I need a break! She will only be going two mornings a week but I need to do something other than sing nursery rhymes and draw flowers for a while.

I know I am biased but everyday she makes me smile and laugh and reminds me what a blessing she is to us. I can’t really get my head around having two small people around and being able to love another as much as I love Mouse. How does it work?