You know when you have to make a really massive decision and it feels like every brain cell and every moment in your waking (and sleeping) day is spent on deciding. Just deciding! We talk and we think and we ponder and we talk some more. Conclusions drawn and undrawn. Tears, tantrums, stern words, perspective, explanations, fear, stress, laughter, pain, purpose. You get the point….
Somehow when the FINAL decision is finally and totally made there is a true sense of relief. A weight lifted from those droopy shoulders, dark clouds pierced by the brilliant sunlight of clarity. A sense of peace pervades the corners of anxiety that have been brewing for weeks. You can breathe again, deeply, filling your lungs with pure, clean air, releasing the tension knotted up, teasing your neck muscles, gently tugging in the wee small hours of sleep deprived nights.
Then comes the wobble, you were so decisive yesterday and yet 24 hours on, how can you be so sure that you’re so sure?! Is it too late to change your mind, is it written in stone, who will you be letting down.
All encompassing, tiring, relieving and most of all in a strange way liberating. Moving forward isn’t easy, moving backwards even harder. You will never know unless you try, dip your toe in, test the water, drink it, lap it up, bathe in it. Short term sacrifice for long term happiness. We shall see.